Palm Trees and Spanners
by MissiB
Summary: Edward Elric has always had a crush on Winry Rockbell. Everyone knows it, including Envy. So one day, he decides to use the situation to REALLY get under the Fullmetal Alchemists skin. But the results were not exactly what he was expecting...One shot.


_**Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me! I don't have a clue who it DOES belong to, but the point is, it's not me!**_

Palm Trees and Spanners

So, here she was again. Waiting for Ed to meet her at the train station so she could say goodbye before he continued on with his quest. The quest to return his and Al's bodies to normal.

Winry wondered if it would ever end. If the Elric brothers would ever find their bodies and return themselves to normal. What would they do then? Would they find some other quest to go kill themselves over, or would they find time for...other things?

Sitting at the train station, the mechanics student fiddled with a strand of her long blonde hair. Although it made her face burn red to admit it (even to herself) she'd been crushing on Edward Elric for the longest time, ever since they were kids. But the stupid little pipsqueak was such a huge moron he'd never noticed! Or maybe it was one too many spanners to the head...

"Winry"

She looked up, and nearly burned Vermillion with embarrassment when she saw _Edward himself _walking along the platform towards her! Eek! He couldn't read minds, could he?!

No...of course not...

"Ed! Hey!" she called, standing up to meet him. Edward smiled at her as he came closer and Winry looked around him, expecting to see Alphonse rounding the corner. But he didn't "Uh, where's Al-?"

Her question was cut off by her insides twisting into pasta and her face burning brighter than the sun. As she had spoken, Ed had come even closer to her and done something completely, and utterly unexpected.

He'd hugged her.

_Ed _was hugging _her. _His arms-one flesh and one metal-wrapped around her and pulled her close to him, so that her chest pressed up against his and her chin rested on his warm human shoulder.

Her trapped arms shifted awkwardly at her sides, as if they didn't know what to do. After a few seconds of his..._embrace! _The initial shock faded away, and she was able to take in what this felt like. It felt...good. Really good.

"E-Edward?" she stammered, and she shivered when she felt him hum into her neck "I-is something wrong?"

Ed chuckled, and pulled away to look into her bright blue eyes. Lifting an automail hand, he brushed a strand of hair away from her face, those golden eyes of his staring endlessly into hers and making her breathing hitch. He shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong, Winry" he assured her, but he didn't let go of her just yet (not that she was complaining) and smiled crookedly, his cool metal hand cupping her face "I'm just...really going to miss you"

"Oh..." Winry breathed, her heart hammering a hard tattoo against her chest "I-I'm really going to miss you, too, Ed...a-and Al!" she added quickly, but Edward chuckled like he understood something she didn't, and Winry thought her heart would stop in her chest when he leaned his head closer and touched his lips to hers...

FMA

Envy didn't like Resembool. The pathetic little town was so...tedious. Peace and tranquility everywhere, and people were so _polite! _What if it was catching?Dear God, he hoped he got out of here soon!

As he neared the train station, he wondered why the Fullmetal Alchemist came here anyway. There was nothing on the Philosophers Stone here (and he'd be sure to tell Dante that when he got back!) and he doubted Edward would be here for the nostalgia_- _

He rounded the corner for the station platform, expecting it to be empty. But it wasn't, and he jumped back behind the tall stone wall when he saw someone he recognised sitting at the platform

That girl...with the blonde hair and blue eyes...what was her name again? Linny? No, _Winry. _The Elric Bother's friend.

_But not just a friend..._Envy grinned when he remembered the elder brother's blatant crush on the stupid human girl. _Love. _Pha! Such a pathetic, human emotion! He was glad to have never felt it himself. He briefly wondered about killing the girl, just to piss Edward off. It would be easy, they'd never even have to know he was there.

But would be the point if he wasn't around to see that little bastards face when he found his slaughtered girlfriend? Was it really worth the effort?

"...so when does our train leave, Brother?"

"...Midday. We've got plenty of time"

The pipsqueak! He was approaching! Maybe that was why the girl was here, to see him off...

Well, maybe Envy could give _him _something to see instead.

An evil smirk came over the sin's pale face, a dastardly idea brewing in his mind. With a thought, light rippled up his body and he transformed himself into Ed's weeny form. He started to walk up the platform, trying not to laugh as he called the oil-soaked blonde's name, and walked towards her.

FMA

Winry thought she was going to pass out when Edward kissed her. For years she had been imagining this moment, where it would happen...what it would feel like...how he might taste...and it was nothing like she thought it would be.

It was much _better!_

His lips were soft, and gentle as they moved in time with hers. The automail hand that had been on her cheek progressed to the back of her head, holding her in place for when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Winry gasped through her nose, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders and sighing just a little when his soft tongue traced her lips. She gladly opened for him and he delved into her mouth, plundering in a way that made her head spin and stroking his tongue against hers, making her dizzy with his taste. He tasted like...metal, and something tangy that she just couldn't place. The two tastes melded together into something fantastic, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

He flicked the roof of her mouth, and she moaned and pressed herself closer to him, her fingers curling around his neck where she expected to feel his long braid. But instead, she felt only the flesh of his neck, and something tickling the back of her hand, but she was too drunk on the kiss to register the absence of hair.

Ed wrapped his arms tighter around her, and she felt his hands trailing down her back, lower and lower until they reached her rear.

Making a sound of discomfort, she pulled away "Ed, wait-"

She gasped, her jaw dropping in shock and her blood draining out of her face. Instead of looking at the peach skinned, golden eyed, blonde haired form of Edward Elric, she was staring in open horror at a boy with skin like a corpse, eyes like amethysts, and long green spikes of hair that fell out of a black bandanna on his head.

And he was grinning. A wide, smug, manic grin that showed every single one of his spiked white teeth. Oh God...she knew who this was...

Envy_...the homunculus!_

FMA

_Well, this wasn't _so_ bad, _Envy admitted to himself as he kissed the human girl. At least this one seemed to know what she was doing. In previous disguises he'd had to endure the unpleasantness of kissing the wife-or, God forbid _husband-_of whoever he was impersonating, and some of them had made him want to burn off his own tongue. Speaking of which...

The Winry girl moaned when he deepened their kiss, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and meeting every stroke of his tongue with hers. Where the girl closed her eyes, he kept his open, waiting for when the pipsqueak would round the corner and see-

Aaah_, there _he was!

FMA

"Do you think Winry will be mad that we kept her waiting, Brother?"

Ed looked at Al "Winry? Nah! She's got enough stuff to be mad at us for!"

The Fullmetal Alchemist didn't really anticipate anything when he and Al went up to the train station platform that day. He expected they would just wait for the train, talk to Winry while they did, and then say their goodbyes before they boarded for Central.

What he did _not_ expect was to see Winry, his best friend and trusted mechanic, wrapped in the arms of ENVY THE HOMUNCULUS! And kissing him like her life depended on it!

He barely heard Al's gasp of horror. He just stared blindly in front of him, nausea clenching his stomach and a horrified, mechanical hand pointing at the disturbing scene in front him.

_Winry and Envy...Envy and Winry...kissing! _Oh Jesus, he was gonna throw up!

Envy knew he was there, he could see the skinny bastard watching him as he _kissed! Winry! _The sin kept his cat-like eye on him, making sure Ed was watching when he stroked his hands down Winry's back and WHERE THE HELL DID HE THINK WAS HE PUTTING THAT HAND?!

His horror quickly turned to anger, but before he could tear Envy limb from limb, Winry pulled away from him and opened her eyes. Good, maybe now that she'd stopped sucking face with his sworn enemyshe could answer him some questions!

"WINRY!"

"_Ed?!" _her head snapped around to meet him, and her face turned crimson when she saw Ed standing there. He pointed furiously at Envy, who still had his arms wrapped around her and was grinning lecherously at Winry.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Ed demanded, pointing a shaking hand at the _freak show_ in front of him!

"I-Ed, I-"

"Winry, how _could _you?!" Al cried, but Winry was too busy trying to form a coherent sentence and scramble out of Envy's arms to answer, making Ed wonder if she'd even known who she'd been kissing.

Envy, meanwhile, threw his head back and laughed, finally letting go of Winry so that she stumbled backwards, a revolted and freaked out look on her face. He turned to Ed, using both hands to point to himself proudly "What can I say, Pipsqueak? You either got it, or ya don't!"

"PIPSQUEAK?! I'LL KILL YOU!" this freak kissed his girlfr-uh, _best, _friend-and was now making fun of his height?! That was it! He was going _down!_

Ed clapped his hands and pressed them down flat on the platform. A huge chunk of spiked concrete rose up behind Envy and plummeted down towards him, but before it could touch him the sin somersaulted out of the way, dodging the blow with impossible skill and landing close to where Winry was pressed up against the train-station shelter. He cackled madly, pressing a gloved hand against the wall and close to her head.

"You really think _that's _gonna stop me from sticking my tongue down your girlfriends throat, Pipsqueak?" he bragged "You're gonna have to do better than that!"

"Fine, I will!" Edward roared, sanity completely forgotten as he charged at the villainous homunculus. Envy grinned, bracing himself-

_WHACK! _

Ed stopped. Al gasped. Envy stood ridged, pain screaming through the top of his head.

The Elric brothers stared at Winry in shock. Her face was a cornucopia of anger and humiliation, and her breathing coming hard and fast. Between her hands, she held a spanner, that was now firmly lodged between Envy's thick green spikes.

"You..._bastard!"_

Ed and Al watched as Winry proceeded to beat the crap out of Envy with her trusty spanner, hitting him everywhere she could reach and screaming at him the entire time:

"HOW DARE YOU-" _SLAM! _"KISS A GIRL-" _WHACK! _"PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE-" _CRASH! _"YOU STUPID-" _BANG! "_INHUMAN-" _SMASH! "PALM TREE!" _

"OH MY GOD!" Envy screamed, now on the floor and trying like anything to fend off Winry's blow's. Without succession "What the hell is _wrong _with you, you pathetic-YEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWW!"

Winry had responded to that remark with a hammer-like blow right between his legs. The homunculus turned pure white and screamed blue murder, clutching at his crotch.

As Winry continued to beat the sin within an inch of his life, Ed and Al watched from the sidelines, both of them staring at the scene with a fair amount of surprise. They knew Winry had a temper but...jeeze!

"Uh, Brother?" said Al, and without turning around Edward said "Yeah?"

"Um..." Al pointed at the screaming Envy, who had just been hit in the face. Hard "Should we...help him?"

Ed looked up at Winry, and the savage look on her face as her spanner crashed down again and again. Normally, he would of course step in, but...as it was Envy...

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" the sin wailed as Winry hit him in the stomach.

"Serves you right, you perverted son of a bitch!" she screamed.

Edward smirked, and crossed his arms over his chest "Naah!"

_**This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fic and I would really like to know what you thought of it. This has been rumbling around in my head ever since I finished the first series, because for some reason I ship EnvyxWinry a little bit (not sure why) and I also haven't written a good kissing scene in a while, and I don't want to get out of practice. Please leave a review!**_


End file.
